YOU MUST BE A LOVECHILD!
by RosieBrie
Summary: (CRACK!) A small group of ship-crazed fangirls manage to break their way into Kugelmugel's house, all with the intent on getting him to spill the beans; "WHO ARE YOU'RE PARENTS, KUGEL?" Mentions of various pairings- PruAus, PruHun, AusHun, Edelweiss/AusSwitz, IceLiech


**A/N: I always see people arguing over Kugelmugel being a lovechild for ships like PruAus, PruHun, AusHun, Edelweiss, and even IceLiech (strangely), so I decided to interview some of my real life Hetalia buddies. They... had some strange answers. So I made this fanfiction. XD Keep in mind, this is meant to kind of make fun of rabid fangirl opinions and accept them all at once! (Kind of...?) I don't know. XD I really don't care who you think Kugel's parents are. Its all up to you, after all. All of the characters in this story based on real people... So enjoy this piece of crack! **

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The air was crisp on this silent autumn morning in Vienna. A young micronation with braided silver locks sat upon a stool, envisioning a way to expressively paint the morning. He hummed to himself, standing to fetch his tools, when suddenly a body hurdled through his two story window, landing ungracefully on its side.

"Ow! Shit… Now I have glass in my thigh!" The figure stood up and turned around, as if looking for something. Throughout all this the boy watched in alarm as ideas began to work their way into his creative vision. This was quite inspirational after all. He quickly got back to searching for his easel and paints.

His movements seemed to have caught the person's attention because they suddenly whipped around, a manic glint in their eyes, and screeched in delight.

"Oh Kugel! I'm so glad I found you! I tried to make it over before the others… They're late sleepers. I have a question for you, dear Kugelmugel!" The person, appearing as an overly energetic teenage girl surprised him by jumping up to glomp him fiercely.

"Oh you're so precious in real life!" He shuddered in her grasp, but she kept a firm hold on him. It wasn't until she realized he could no longer breathe that she released him.

"Hehe. Woops. Sorry dude." She smiled sheepishly until the sound of Loki's voice yelling _"Say my name!"_ began repeating over and over. She dug into her shoulder bag and pulled out a slightly cracked, purple smartphone. Checking her text messages, she groaned.

"Damn it… They're almost here. M'kay Kugel, now can you do me a favor?" She looked at him, hope glinting in her bright cerulean eyes. Kugel tilted his head.

"Who are you?" He really didn't have time for some random girl breaking into his home in the early morning and take up his times with interviews! There was art to be made!

She laughed and scuffled through the bag, probably putting her phone away.

"Oh right, I guess you don't know me. I'm Angel! I'm a rabid Hetalia fangirl. Pleased to make your acquaintance." She held out her hand.

He wasn't going to pretend to know what a _'rabid Hetalia fangirl'_ was, but if there was anything Austria had taught Kugel, it was manners. He took her hand and shook it politely, planting a small kiss on it in the process.

Wrong move kiddo.

"OHMIGOSH YOU'RE SO CUTE I COULD JUST HUGGLE YOU UNTIL YOUR FACE GETS LOST IN MY CLEAVAGE!" Again, Kugel found himself unable to breath. That was when a ladder clanked against the top of his windowsill and an angry shout was heard from below.

"ANGEL, GET YORU ASS DOWN HERE! WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO VIOLATE CHARACTERS IN MY FANFICTIONS! ESPECIALLY LITTLE BOYS!" Before Angel could reply, the face of a very peeved teen appeared outside the shattered window, steam seeming to seep from her nostrils.

"Oh yeah, Rosemary! Is that what you call fashionably late? I'm waaaay better at those sorts of things and you know that!" Angel gave a cackle of laughter and pushed poor, hopelessly confused Kugel out of her embrace once more.

The so dubbed 'Rosemary' raised an eyebrow and leapt through the window, followed by two other girls, one of which was a tall brunette with a green highlight and a shorter girl complete with wild curls.

Kugel observed the three newcomers and felt a sweatdrop beginning to form.

"Why are you all here again?" He tried to ask.

"I DIDN'T GO THROUGH ALL THAT TROUBLE OF BREAKING THROUGH THE 4TH WALL _FROM THE OTHER SIDE, _I MIGHT ADD JUST FOR YOU TO DITCH US ON THE SPOT AND TAKE OFF RUNNING! THAT IS NOT THE PURPOSE OF THIS FANFICTION!" The auburn haired leader was now comically shaking her fellow fangirl by the shoulders, hazel eyes glinting with betrayal.

"Jeez, calm down Rosie. We're here now aren't we?" The short girl with the full head of curls looked up with a tired expression on her face.

_'I deal with this all the time'_ she mouthed to Kugel.

Rosemary stopped shaking her friend and stood up straighter. "Right… Right… Okay, so we came here to ask a question young Kugelmugel. And that question is; who are your lovechild parents?" Silence filled the air as Kugel stared at them.

And stared.

And continued to stare.

"I don't know what that's supposed to mean."

"Jeebers kid, don't you watch anime or use internet around here!" Kugel shook his head.

"Austria doesn't allow me to watch what he deems 'vulgar'." The boy shrugged in a non-caring way.

"Okie dokie loki… Hmmm. How about I phrase it a different way? An easier way…" The tall girl with the green highlight spoke for the first time as she left her spot by the window.

"Who are your birth parents?"

Kugel looked puzzled, but before he could speak Angel piped up.

"Well, duh Maddie! Isn't it obvious! Look at that hair and complexion! He must be related to the awesome Prussia! And I bet Hungary's the mommy!" She made a kitty face.

"PruHun FTW!"

Rosemary facepalmed.

"We're supposed to let him answer-"

"We do NOT speak of that ship in my presence!" A low, demonic voice resounded from the curly haired brunette who just so happened to be standing closest to Kugel. He jumped and started walk slowly toward the door.

"He is pure AusHun LOVE. HE MUST BE AUSTRIA'S CHILD. HE'S A FREAKIN' AUSTRIAN MICRONATION!" The girl's eyes began to derp out as she looked for a heavy object to throw.

"Ahhh! No! Remember your breathing, Willow! Maddie get her arms!" Angel and Maddie leapt at her just as her hair burst into flames. Okay, so maybe that was an exaggeration.

Rosemary watched the tussle and snorted.

"Ya know, I think he's PruAus…" She trailed off and watched as three pairs of eyes turned to watch her.

"NUUUUUUU-" Willow's brain stopped functioning.

"I mean, it only makes sense! He's an Austrian micronation- we can't get around that- he looks so very similar to Prussia! I mean, he's like a combination of both of them! In personality too! Can't you see it guys!" Rosemary motioned to the boy who had built a fort out of easels in the corner, in a desperate attempt to defend himself.

Maddie blinked.

"True… But my OTP is Edelweiss! NOW WHO CAN I MAKE THEIR LOVECHILD? I SUCK AT OCS!" She whimpered in the pathetic way that fangirls do and began slamming her head against a journal containing vivid Edelweiss fanfiction which seemed to materialize from nowhere.

Kugelmugel wrinkled his brow. "Uhm, I'm a micronation. We don't have-" He was cut off.

Out of nowhere, a rock sailed through the broken window, landing at Rosemary's feet. There was a white sheet of paper attached to it with a string of twine. She looked down in horror, before bending over to read the note;

"_IceLiech is love, IceLiech is life." _

_-Lots of Love, your little sister~" _

Rosemary felt a sinking feeling in her gut. She gasped.

"Oh dear lord, she's found us…"

A preteen girl scaled the wall (dude, there's a ladder right there… Why are you so dramatic?) and carefully moved over the debris.

"Hello, dear Rosemary. You thought you could enter a Hetalia fanfiction without me? Bitch." She had shoulder length brunette hair falling freely in a ragged style.

"Please go home Brietta… We have enough OTPs to deal with right now aside from your delusional crack ships-"

"DON'T YOU DARE INSULT ICELIECH, ROSE! IT IS BEST SHIP. EVER"

"But-"

"EVER." Rosemary sighed and brought a hand to her face.

"I write you some IceLiech that _one time_ and you go off all crazy with your theories-"

"Which could be totally true!"

"Don't interrupt! Kugelmugel is _not _an IceLiech lovechild!"

"But he looks and acts so much like my little Icy! And he and Liechtenstein are both Germanic!"

"It doesn't make sense Brie!"

"I can dream can't I?"

"Of course… Fangirls wouldn't survive without dreams. I'm just saying that it's TOTAL BS!"

"Shut up!"

The two sisters began to fight as Angel, Willow and Maddie glanced at each other with worried expressions.

"It's not that I don't like IceLiech-I love it in fact-"

"Why can't you just accept some of my headcanons for once-"

"OMYGAWD DID YOU JUST BITE MY FOOT?!"

"So what? I'm awesome! Kesesesese!"

"YOU'RE NOT PRUSSIA!"

"SHUT UP!"

It was then that a middle aged woman climbed up the ladder and raised herself through the window with a tee shirt sporting the words _"Make Pasta, not war!"_

"I'm on team AusHun!" She then grabbed a doujinshi from her purse.

"What the hell are you doing here mom?!" Rosemary looked up, mortified.

"I followed you through the fourth wall with Brietta." She grinned. "Vienna is such a nice place."

"Please go home Mama…"

"I wanted to meet Italy…"

"Mama, we're in Austria. Italy isn't here right now."

"We have fangirl business to take care of, Trinity." Angel spoke up from behind Rosemary.

She crossed her arms with a pout.

"I didn't come to Vienna and _not_ have the intention of seeing some of the sights too!"

"We're in Hetalia Vienna! Who knows what could be different!" Rosemary said, exasperatedly.

In the background, Kugelmugel watched them, no longer caring. He had found some inspiration. Now he was thoughtfully sketching away at a family portrait he'd later paint and hang in the hallway.

'_Maybe this will shut them up…'_

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**A/N: I guess sometimes fangirls forget canon and decide to go off on their own head canon rampages- which is totally fine! Unless you somehow offend another fangirl and begin to argue... Things can get violent really quickly. XD BEFORE YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD, I KNOW KUGELMUGEL DOES NOT HAVE PARENTS. THIS IS A _FANFICTION_. IT IS NOT IN ANY WAY SAYING THAT ANY OF THE COUNTRIES MENTIONED ARE HIS ACTUAL PARENTS, SO SHUT UP BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING STUPID. Tell me who you think are Kugel's "parents" (ITS IN QUOTES PEOPLE. REMEMBER THAT.) in the reviews! :D**

**_~With Love, from Rosemary ;)_**


End file.
